Shades of Similarity…

Buildings mushroom overnight in the IT capital of India. One such edifice was taking shape in the street where I live. The construction activity was in full swing, contract laborers being hired from the neighboring border villages. Temporary settlements had sprung up for accommodating these people and their families. Most of them speak a dialect of my mother tongue, Tamil, coming from the villages near Hosur, on the Karnataka – Tamil Nadu state border. Yearning to hear the twang of Tamil isn’t something strange when you live amidst people who either don’t speak the language or prefer the Anglican medium of the corporate world to express themselves. I generally satiate my hunger for my mother tongue by gaping at those who happen to speak it. Listening to a stray conversation in your mother tongue in an alien land, can be an exhilarating experience. That being a separate issue let me get to the point. These new tenements and their inhabitants presently revealed some very intriguing ironies. I have tried putting them down in a certain format...

1. Enjoy the great outdoors.. Barbeque bonanza.. Cook your cuisine in the open…

Read all this in one of the hoardings on the infamous Hosur road, forced to memorize them as a pastime in the no-one-can-escape-me jams. A nice way to plan a weekend to savor the world outside your cubicle...

That very evening I chanced upon my lingual compatriots cooking a delicious smelling kozhambu in an open pan on the streets, the scent of the boiling broth wafting through the chilly evening air, a heavenly delight... Urchins laying a dinner table, under the star spangled firmament... A teenage twosome having a moon light dinner… Who needs candle light to romanticize the air when the biggest candle in the Universe shines upon your loved one’s head...

2. Streak your hair, Great hair color for that great new look... Do away with dull boring black hair…

Had the kismet of following a hip young woman with copper streaked straight hair walking like a trapeze artist atop a high heeled shoe.. Another identical head bobs up and down beside her, with almost the same coloration.. Probably hued bronze instead of copper… Pestering our red riding hood, sorry red riding head, to adorn her locks with a few fragrant jasmines… Losing interest in the peddling and the rebuttals, I fixed my attention on the craniums of the two females.. The shorter form fascinated me, achieving the same hairdo at a lesser price.., in fact no price at all… it’s the lack of funds for hair care products, vis-à-vis a decent shampoo and some ounces of coconut oil that worked the magic… Hair dressers of the world should marvel at this master stroke woven by scarcity!!..

3. Work out.. Sweat your self out at the Gym.. For those great muscles.. Flex your biceps for the chicks to flock…

I have this habit of looking at my feet trying to count the cells of the cuticles when I walk alone on the street.. On one such occasion, I happened to look up… Was confronted with sight of three tall, dark well built men, in overalls smeared with distemper..

Was tempted to wolf whistle when they rolled up their sleeves to pick up a ladder…
Man, these guys get paid for working out!! Lucky souls!!.. Don’t have to dish out the bucks from their wallet for sweating their hearts out.. Don’t have to schedule and re-schedule work to fit the gym slot in… Glorious muscles are all in a day’s work for these fellas… What a perk to enjoy with your job…


Disclaimer:
My attempt at putting forth the paradox may have been slightly blunt and out of punch, because right now I am kind of grappling with a perennially pre-occupied mind.. Nevertheless as long as the ironies find their target audience, it is mission accomplished for me.

Just Think About It!!

What if we could read each other’s thoughts? Like the thought clouds that top people’s heads in comic strips... A scary and catastrophic line of thought… ahem... pun’s unintended. A funny prospective if taken in a lighter vein...

I was mulling over this after I gave the first conscious artificial smile of my life today. Saw someone and grinned heartily while muttering under my breath “what a jackass!!”...

The corporate world would be one hell of a circus, (not that it’s any better now...) if thought bubbles started emanating from everyone’s head. Cos the work place is where one encounters sweet caramel coated smiles as often as one inhales. And the probability of most of them being genuine is accurately zilch. Take for instance the silent skirmishes between the in-laws of a big family; all hell would break loose if thoughts were to buzz around like mosquitoes… Imagine the tradition worn cushion supported political discussions on coalition conundrums, if the criss-crossing thought arrows did make their mark, wouldn’t it mean chaos manifold, than what it already is?
Masters behind the camera have often toyed with this possibility, movies being made on men reading the thoughts of the fairer sex, and people being able to comprehend the language and thoughts of animals... Invariably they became being hard to resist rib ticklers.

I once had a conversation that was exhausting, literally and metaphorically, with a friend on how everyone’s thoughts travel in the form of waves. These metaphysical undulations send vibes about one’s personality even before the first words come out. The positive aura that surrounds someone, or the inexplicable prejudice you might harbor on someone else, all find a near plausible theorization in this.

There is one fable in ancient India that is an allusion to this hypothesis. There was once a righteous and just king who was of the habit of doing rounds of his Kingdom, masquerading as a commoner, in the shelter of the night. His wise and able minister unfailingly accompanied him on such nocturnal visits. On one such occasion, the King chanced upon a man sitting under a lamp post deep in thought. The King was troubled by incomprehensible ill-feelings for this complete stranger. Disturbed, he confided in his minister. The minister bought some time from the King to investigate into the matter.
The very next day, the minister put forth a proposal to buy a lot of sandalwood furniture and other articles of sandalwood for the Palace. Though baffled by this sudden scheme, the King approved it, out of his inane trust in his aide. A month or so passed. The King again chanced to run into this strange man on his nightly visit. This time, he had equally perplexing tender thoughts about him. Absolutely confused, he sought his minister’s counsel. The minister’s explanation was thus:
“My Lord, the stranger who had vexed you to such an extent, is a sandalwood merchant. When you first set your eyes upon him, his business was in doldrums. He was ardently praying that you should die, so that he could sell his ware to cremate your body. Who else, in this nation would use sandalwood for cremation?? So naturally, his negative thoughts sowed seeds of hatred in your mind. I investigated this, and placed that bulk order for sandal wood in his shop for all the articles we had planned to procure, for the Palace. This caused his business to boost, and not a day passed in this man’s life without singing your praises, and wishing for your longevity, so that he would get more orders from the Palace. And that explains the pleasant thoughts that filled your mind when you chanced upon him the second time.”

Our thoughts are not only ours to claim. They influence our lives as well as others. Agreeable feelings and thoughts not only guarantee our peace, but also make a better place of our surroundings.

My once alarmingly long hate list has now become almost vacant, once I started applying this tenet to my daily life. It does take time and patience to deploy such an utopian stratagem, but it is definitely worth the pains in the long run.

A Price-less gift for my priceless little girl

The recent policy of the CBSE to provide free education for 'single girl child' , in all affiliated schools across the country has once again proved to the world that India is condemned to have buffoons at the helm of affairs.

The rationale behind the policy being imbibed in the affiliation requirements is evanescent. Practical issues have not been considered, and the whole imbroglio appears to be the brainchild of well-bred high socialite kitty party banter. Educationists need not be theorists always; issues in the implementation of such ludicrous legislation should have struck any sane human.

Rather than waive the tuition fees et al, the number of scholarships could have been increased. If the girl child need be given any privilege, then some these aids could be made female-specific. A complete waiver with no reason except that of gender seems ridiculous. The glaring fallacy in this amendment is that girls with siblings, of the female gender get a 50% waiver; where as ones blessed with no sisters get a 100% discount. Is this a well-disguised population control measure? If so, it seems mighty contrived and round about.

Being a single girl child myself and having done 14 years of schooling under the Central Board, I very well know how many of the ‘single girl children’ in the flourishing private schools are actually in need of such a concession. If I may make an approximate demographic statement, I would say that most of the ‘single girl children’ are from pretty affluent families. If that is not the case, at least they are from families who don’t mind investing in their only daughter’s education.

Any educational aid, world over, since time immemorial has been on a “merit” or “means” basis. If at all, there are some regions in the nation where education for the girl child needs a fillip badly, then policy that is geographically specific ought to be framed. It would also be prudent to implement provisions conducive to female students in aided and government schools which the statistics show have more of needy students, and are more wide spread in the rural areas. No such thought seems to have gone behind this utopian drive.

Popular schools that cater to the bourgeoisie of the society are now worried about the reduction in their income, and are planning to shift to other boards to maintain their cash flow. The chief cause of their anxiety is that they would now lose out on the creamy, ‘can-afford-to-pay-our-daylight-robbery-fees’ students, and the dilution or rather corruption of their “class” students by the “government school” ones. A reasonable apprehension, if quality is to be maintained, don’t you think?
I am the daughter of a CBSE school teacher. A light tea time discussion with my mom, threw light on some of the funny aspects of the new directive. One very logical concern of mine is, if a girl child is single now, how long will she be single? What if the heavens destine her with a little baby brother or sister? Would she curse her luck, and pray for a “baby-for-puppy” exchange offer next festival season? Some of my school time buddies had siblings when they were in middle school, very much into their teens. Would it be so that they shun their parents’ bundle of joy for usurping their free education? One is left absolutely clueless when faced with such doubts.
My mom put forth a very interesting situation she encountered when she was listing down the names of the ‘single girl’ students in her class.
This particular student was the only child for her mother, who happens to have married her father after the demise of his first wife. The first wife had left in her wake, two issues who now become her half-siblings. This pupil bowled my mom a googly, “Ma’m, I am a single girl for my mother, but I am not a single girl for my father, am I eligible for this scholarship or not?” Doesn’t it sound more like one of the Vikram-Vethal riddles?

The Policy-makers sitting snug in their discussion rooms, sipping chaai and nibbling biscuits, what is your answer to her question?

My Sleeping Secrets

More on sleepy matters…

I had the chance to discover the following eccentricities about my sleeping habits.

If I am really sleepy these are what I do, arranged ascending order of probability
1. I get groggy and begin to whine
2. Become extremely rude and uncouth and mouth profanities of the highest order
3. Drop down dead and doze off, with ultimate disregard for my surroundings, snoring sonorously.
Heaven on earth: The satisfaction of a good night’s sleep.



My 5 cents on the best ways to sleep in a moving bus:
1. Sleep to your right, if the left side of your neck develops a crick.
2. Sleep to your left, if there’s a crick in your right side.
3. Sleep with your head down, chin touching your chest, if your neck turns stiff, 270 degrees.
4. Try pushing the seat back, if you figure out how, and if your clothes don’t stick to your back from sweat between your skin and the upholstery.
5. Cushion your head with a pillow made out of your palm. If they hurt from the weight of all the crap inside your head, forget it, cos a surgery to excavate all the crap is too much of a bother.
6. Cross your leg for that stylish and debonair siesta, and if you wanna carry home an awkward limp as a bonus.
Inspiration: A particularly uncomfortable journey to Thirupathi on an AP Tourism board bus.



The semi sleepy state:

1. Have you ever experienced wakeful sleeping? Not the one you drift into when someone goes on and on about something you care a damn about, or the dazed condition afflicting the first benchers of a singularly boring lecture in college. Its something that’s been happening to me on and off.. It’s a state that I drift off to at the snap of someone’s fingers.. Not to be confused with the hypnotic control of a handsome hunk. The activity around you could be something of utmost interest, but still your mind goes blank. A sort of lull creeps in and you simply refuse to think.

2. Another variant of the semi sleepy state, a rather sinister version occurs when I go to bed way past midnight. A few precious hours before daybreak are all you get, and your body attunes itself to make the most out of it. But every time I slip into such a deep slumber, something dreadful happens, I struggle to get up, pushing the air around me, kicking my limbs in all directions, silent screams lost in space.. And I wake up, only to find that I m still struggling to wake up.. And so I battle through the different layers, waging a never ending war against sleep. Then I grow tired and give up the fight, still groping along the saturnine walls of my mind for a wormhole to wakefulness, materializing out of nowhere.. Desperate and mortified, I pray to the heavens above… Chanting the lord’s name.. And that’s when I wake up, gratified to find myself on my bed, the sheets perfectly starched and tucked in, my hands up, fingers securely locked under my head, completely no sign of trouble whatsoever.

In case, anyone’s had similar experiences, this might throw some light::

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnagogia

A gist of it:

Hypnagogia (also spelled hypnogogia) and hypnopompia are the names of experiences a person can go through when falling asleep in the case of hypnagogia, or waking up, in the case of hypnopompia. When in a hypnagogic or hypnopompic state a person can have lifelike auditory, visual, or tactile hallucinations (known as hypnagogic hallucinations), perhaps even accompanied by full body paralysis. The individual is aware that these are hallucinations; the frightening part, in many cases, is the inability to react to them, even being unable to make a sound.

Sleepless Beauty

There are some things in life that afflict you every now and then. They go as mysteriously as they come.. One such thing that has been a part of my life is sleeplessness. There are times which garner significance when I look back, but which innocently clothe themselves as ordinary days and nights when they occur. Uncannily these times in my life have unfailingly been characterized by one malady..Insomnia.. It’s when forty winks seem formidable.

Counting up to 1000 and backwards, cooking up racy romantic novels in your head, humming your favorite tunes, chanting, cursing your nemesis under your breath, watching utterly mindless late night shows on TV, listening to Mannade,S.D Burman and other lullabying numbers, trying to snuff yourself up with a pillow pressed on to your face, tossing and turning enough to cause a tectonic imbalance, trying to plan for the next day, working out sudoku and the daily crosswords, meditating… nothing seems to help.
By the time you’re barely asleep, the Sun shines through your window and the hum drum of another day tearing into your blissful state.
Days pass in this manner. Eyes burn, bleary and tired. A chance siesta in the day, can never make up for the lost sleep in the soothing caress of nocturnal darkness. This goes on till you reach a stage where you would start whining like a kid, kicking your limbs around.
And then it all stops..
Yesterday was one such blessed day. After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, peering through the dark, blocking all thought from the mind, mesmerized by the whirring sound of the decades old fan, the heavy curtains above my windows to the outside world come down, palling my consciousness, fantastic figures forming inside my mind’s eye…

An eagle, a talisman, an eagle in a talisman, Nnno.. Not an eagle, a pigeon, No.. Not a pigeon a dove.. a dove that flaps its wings and takes off, tearing open the tablet…. Skies.. Blue, white, crimson, beige and mauve… Gold brocade fluttering around the landscape… A hole in the firmament, and me falling upwards, defying terrestrial laws of gravity.
Free wheeling vertically…..

And I woke up at 12.00 noon today.